What's next?

 This is most definitely the question we have been asked the most since we left Haiti at the beginning of December and I can honestly say until we got home to Northern Ireland we really didn't have much of an idea and very quickly some opportunities were presented and we made some decisions.  

For the time being,  I will be continuing on the role of communications and marketing for Bethesda. This is something I have been doing for around the last 2-3 years.  It involves keep our social media & website up to date, communicating with supporters and trying to increase the support for Bethesda. I will also continue to meet with Altidor & Echebert weekly and provide as much support for them as I can from a distance. I am working with Altidor on treatment plans for the kids she is currently treating.  I am so thankful to still have support from Bev and Alison who join us on the calls and provide a lot of input and help.  The South West Baptist University in Missouri have been an amazing support to the quality of therapy our physios can provide in Haiti.  Anyway I am getting off topic.  That is what I am doing for the time being.  I do hope in the future I can return to Haiti on regular trips, maybe even take some medical teams but all that depends on the situation in Haiti which right now is pretty grim. 

Bill has accepted a role within OMS here in the UK office.  He had been applying for jobs and was offered a couple but once he met with OMS and heard about the role within the mission he felt that that was the right direction for him to go down.  Bill had already been planning to transitioning out of academics and into something different sometime down the line.  This opportunity with OMS gives him a chance to stay involved in missions full time even with not being overseas.  He is working in finance and will oversee the compassionate ministries within OMS UK.  Right now he is doing training in finances and is not overly sure what the other part of the job will entail. 

So that is what we are doing for right now. 

The other question we have been asked a lot is 'how are you settling in?'  That, is a hard one to answer.  I am sure at some stage in life many of you have felt unsettled but its hard to describe exactly what that means or what it looks like.  It is like that period of time when you finish university or school and have no idea what is next, that you are not where you thought you would be and not quite sure what to do about it. 

We are settling I think.  

The boys are going to school everyday and doing well. I think the past few months has been the most difficult for Sam, he is enjoying school here and seeing his friends and family but he asks often about Haiti and talks about missing various places and people and prays every night for a chance to go back. 

We still feel a lot like we are living in two different worlds, one minute I am having a conversation about Sam going to a birthday party at a trampoline park, the next minute I am reading a whatsapp message from a friend in Haiti saying they do not have any money to pay school fees for their kids, can we help. 

I go from listening to others talk about the health service in Northern Ireland and the frustrations and waiting lists to conversations with Altidor and Echebert about a patient with probable spinal TB with no bone biopsies and neurosurgeons anywhere near the North of Haiti.  So he runs the risk of ending up paralysed. 

We hear about the cost of living crisis in the UK yet its hard to weigh that up with the increase in children with malnutrition our clinic is seeing.  UNICEF reports in 2021 malnutrition in under 5's increased by 61% in Haiti. 

It's a very difficult and strange thing to navigate.  There is nothing wrong with Sam going to a trampoline park or listening to people complain about the NHS but it is a million miles away from I can't send my kids to school or I can't even go to see the doctor I need to because it doesn't exist where I live.  I know the UK has a cost of living crisis but its so hard for me to reconcile that with the poverty in Haiti. 

It all feels incomparable. 

Our perspective has changed.  

So sometimes in those conversations we say nothing, because something we say might annoy or offend someone, because reading and listening about poverty is very very different from seeing it with your own eyes and because sometimes its just too hard to explain. 

I came across this post on facebook a few days ago and it sums up transitioning cultures and countries pretty well.  Its from Communicating across Boundaries. 

'“First you arrive physically and you are very tired. But only after a while, your soul gets here, too. Because the plane is very fast, but the soul takes longer to arrive.”⠀

In 2013, the BBC published a short video of a man from a tribe in the rain forests of the Amazon who had come to New York City to live. His words quoted above accurately describe our global world and remind us that though through plane travel we arrive quickly on the other side of the world, our souls take longer.⠀

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We have high expectations for ourselves. We expect to jump right into life, to pick up as though we are unchanged, to tell ourselves “it’s no big deal – I’m back now”. But when our souls are still a world away, we can’t fully connect.⠀

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We need time and we need grace.⠀

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For the third culture kid arriving in their passport country, culture shock can be particularly debilitating. Many are arriving in a place that they have been told is “home” and yet, it is a world away from the homes they know. ⠀

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Three years ago my friend @robynnjoybliss wrote these words:⠀

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“You can anticipate some cultural confusion. When you switch a baby from breast-feeding to bottle feeding and then back to breast-feeding often the baby experiences some “nipple confusion”. As earthy as the metaphor might be, I think it describes some of what we feel when we return to our beloved places and then reenter our regular placements. We are confused. Our souls are unsettled. We knew a particular way and then we became used to a different way and now we’re back to the old way, but only temporarily and now we race to what was sort of familiar and yet now not so much. There has to be some cultural confusion….some yanking of our tethers, our leashes. We are whiplashed from culture to culture. You can expect to be out of whack!⠀

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“Resist the urge to return too quickly. Try not to rush back in. Breathe deeply. Move slowly. Go ahead and do the next thing on your list but don’t hurry. Your poor body has been around the world and back again. Let your soul catch up! Come home slowly.”⠀

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Because the soul takes longer to arrive. ''

 

God is good

Two years ago today we got on an evacuation flight from port au prince to Paris set up by the French government.   When I write these kind of things it feels surreal, like how did this ever happen to us! 

Anyway two days before this was truly an awful day.  We were told at 8.30pm the night before be at the airport at 10am, this is your last chance to get out of Haiti.  The world was shutting down and no one had any idea how covid was going to affect people. 

After hours of phoning embassies and waiting for them to find a way, we couldn't wait any longer and our whole OMS team left and we were not able to go.  We said goodbye to the people we had been living alongside for the past 4 years in the airport thinking we would see some of them again in August when we all returned to Haiti or so we thought.  We also said goodbye to the Ayars who we knew were not returning to Haiti.  It was terrible not at all how we imagined our last day in Haiti together. 

August came around and we couldn't go back, some of our team did, some didn't. At this point I really did think we will probably never see them again and our last time together was that terrible day in the aiport. 

Now fast forward to today, today almost two years to the day when travel has not been easy, when life has still been turned upside down for so many people because of covid we have managed to spend time with almost  all of those people we said terrible teary goodbyes to at the aiport. 

We saw Janeen and Dave in Haiti (Marilyn we missed you!)and Kacie&Miken who left a couple of weeks before us.  We spent a week with the Ayars, a week with the Grosses and today we saw Colleen.  We have even got to see a few other missionaries who left during our time, Kate, the Loves and the Michels. 

The lesson I've learned first is that God is good. He knows what we need and when we need it.  He knew it was going to be important for us to spend time with all of those people and talk through that day and say goodbye well.

Now we had a second evacuation, not as dramatic but definitely not planned. We didn't get to finish all the things we planned in Haiti.  We didn't get to see everyone we wanted to.  We didn't get to visit all the places we wanted to. I have a list and I am confident that one day, I have no idea when, that we will get to return to Haiti and do all those things and visit all the people. 

Secondly we never ever know what is around the corner.  Although we would not have chosen to leave Haiti in December it did give us time and opportunity to see most of our OMS team. I've even see Dr Rodney since leaving in December at board meetings!

So we have to trust that God is in control, that he knows best even when's its difficult. 

Going home

Just about two weeks ago we found out that our tenant is moving out of our house at the end of March which means we are now able to move back into our own home the first week in April.  This is a massive answer to prayer, the day before we received the email I was searching the internet for somewhere to stay short term and I could not find anything at all. 

So we are now booked to arrive home to Northern Ireland the first week in April. 

We are ready to go. 

Ready to get home and get settled.  Ready to not fly again, at least for a while anyway.  Ready for the boys to go back to school.  Ready to go to our own church and get involved. Ready to see our family and friends and know we don't have to try and cram in as much time with them as possible. 

This time in Canada has been good but very much felt temporary and I don't think it quite feels real that we are not going back to Haiti, that now moving to Northern Ireland is permanent. 

From what I have read and experienced having spent two short term periods of time in Haiti moving home from the mission field, or re entry as its called is actually much more difficult than going to the mission field.

Our last day in Haiti December 2021. 

July 2016 just after we moved to Haiti 

We got Bello Bello after just a few weeks. 

For the boys it was the hardest thing to leave Bello behind. 

Its a very strange feeling, it will be so good to be home with family and friends, to have access to many things (mainly different foods and fuel) that make life a lot easier.  It way less tiring to live life in your own language and culture.  Yet even with all of those wonderful things there is always part of you which longs to be back living in Haiti.  

I guess its because of a variety of factors, somehow over the past 5 years Haiti has become home.  Not that Northern Ireland isn't home, it is, the farm also feels like home but Haiti may be the place for right now which feels most like home. Which is bizarre because it is definitely the most difficult place to live. 

I don't think I can describe very well the feelings of grief and guilt which come with leaving the mission field and moving home.  They are those very same feelings which you get when you leave your family behind to go.  

You feel like you don't quite fit in, the same way you didn't quite fit in when you moved overseas. You see, living in a different country and culture changes you.  You see life through a different lens. Those of you who have been on a short term mission trip will understand a little of what I am talking about.  Remember how it feels when you get home.  You can't stop talking about your trip, you are all fired up, ready to change the world and live your life differently.  Your perspective has changed. 

Now imagine that same feeling after years of living overseas, the perspective is now very different, you have adapted to a different culture and sometimes there are ideas in other cultures which are better than your home culture, sometimes you can't really remember what some parts of your home culture are.  So sometimes things feel a little strange.  

Let me just give you a small, somewhat insignificant example.  When we moved to Haiti we always told Sam to put his shoes on before he went out to play, this lasted about a week and our boys are now most comfortable barefoot especially when they are playing.  At home in Haiti they only wore shoes to school and church and even in school when they were in kindergarten they took them off once they were inside the classroom. The rest of the time inside or outside they went barefoot.  Now at home they are always barefoot, we always have what feels like a million socks lying all over the house.  When we go to the playground they often take their shoes and sometimes socks off, which doesn't bother me but I have noticed is once they do it, other kids around them start doing the same thing and then I hear a lot of parents telling their kids to put their shoes back on. This is because culturally it is normal for kids to wear shoes outside so now I have to decide do I make the boys put their shoes on at the park because its culturally normal or do I let them play in barefoot like they are used to. This is just a very small example which is not a big deal at all but something I would have never had to think about before we went overseas because our boys would have just always worn shoes outside. 

I guess shirts are also optional in Haiti! 

So yes we are looking forward to being home.  There are so many things we are looking forward to but there are also so many things we will miss.  When August rolls around it will be very strange to not be going back to Haiti.  A huge part of me wishes we were still there, it's difficult to see posts and videos and photos of friends still living there and to not be part of that.  Yet another part of me that cannot wait to be home in Northern Ireland and stay in one place. Its a strange place to be at. 

We know that Haiti will always be a part of our lives and we really hope to be able to visit and stay involved as much as we can. 

So maybe this will be my last post until we make it back to visit someday.  I am not sure, or maybe I will write about some of our experiences I never got time to share.   Until then here are a few pictures of Haiti. 

Q & A

 I thought it might be helpful to answer some of the questions we have been asked. 

1.  How are you doing?

Considering the events of the past few months, we are doing well, tired but good.  Those last 3 weeks in Haiti were very difficult not just for Bill and I but also for the boys.  They were very unsettled which mostly came out in fighting every 3 minutes and being very emotional and very tired as were Bill and I.  It was hard to process leaving and covid complications and where to go and all the logistics but it was especially hard to say goodbye. 

Haiti now feels a million miles away and a million years ago.  We are trying to get into a good schooling / work routine but its definitely taken a few weeks to try and nail down a routine.  We are still working on it. 

2. What are you doing now?

Bill has been teaching a weekend course for Emmaus which finished last weekend now he has a lot of marking to do.  He is also tying up some loose ends at Emmaus as well as helping out on the farm. 

I am continuing with the communications / fundraising work which means keeping in close contact with staff at Bethesda, updating social media, monthly prayer emails, website updates and stewardship. I also meet weekly with Altidor and Echebert and am working on treatment plans for the kids at Bethesda.  As well as trying to do some school work with the boys. 

We are also going to take the opportunity while we are in Canada to visit people and churches who have supported us throughout our time in Haiti.  So if that is you, you should hear from us soon! 

Our life is still pretty busy and right now we are still very much involved in the ministries in Haiti. 

3.  How long will you spend in Canada?

Right now we don't know. Our main issue in going back to Northern Ireland is that we have someone living in our house and legally they are able to stay there until August.  We would like to be back late March / Early April so the boys can get back to school and catch up on anything they have missed out on before a new school year in September.  We will use the time we have here to visit supporters and churches and are working on getting that scheduled.  

4.  What are the boys doing for school?

Well they had an 'extended Christmas break' and hadn't done any school work since mid November.  We have decided not to send them to school here because we do not know how long we will be here and we do not want to put them through another big transition.  So I am trying to do some homeschooling....I can't say I am being very successful.  

5. Will you go back to Haiti?

Bill and I would love to go back to visit and still be involved but we will not be moving back to Haiti to live.  There are a few factors leading into this decision.  One is that we returned to Haiti to finish up our time and leave.  We firmly believe the role of a missionary is to do a job and train up nationals to continue that work when the missionary leaves.  Throughout our time in Haiti we have seen so many people leave with no one to take over their role so it either gets thrown onto an already busy, tired, stressed out missionary or it falls apart and just doesn't get done. 

Anyway we have been working ourselves out of a job as it were and we were just about there.  Rujerry has been working alongside Bill for over a year and is taking over the registrar job.   Bill is now available for Rujerry for any questions and help he may have.  Bill is also working on a registrar handbook for him and anyone else who does the job in the future.  In terms of teaching Emmaus has wonderful staff and very capable teachers.  Emmaus also has students graduating every year with a masters in theology - the same level of education as Bill has.  To be completely honest the biggest barrier Emmaus has to employing more teachers is finances.  They need more financial support in order to employ more staff.  

I have been working with Altidor for 4 years and Echebert for 3 years.  Altidor has been running the PT department for the last two and they are both more than capable.  I am continuing to meet with them weekly not only to catch up but to provide support.  There was some more training I had hoped to do but unfortunately did not get the time to do that.  I hope in the future I can go back for a week or two and do that training with them.  

Secondly we felt strongly that we could not leave Haiti (again) for an extended, unknown period of time.  We feel like we just did this in 2020 and half of 2021.  It is very difficult to do with 3 kids especially trying to figure out all the logistics of where to go, where to live, school, car etc. Its hard to live in limbo and given that we were so close to finishing anyway it didn't make any sense to leave for who knows how long.   No one knows when the security situation in Haiti is going to be any better. 

The biggest factor playing into this was the boys, to be honest they have been moved around from pillar to post their whole lives, not what we planned but between adopting Jacob and covid that is what has happened and its time for them to have a home.  Right now the kids feel like they have a home in 3 different countries which is pretty cool and they have had amazing experiences but we really feel its time for the boys to have a stable home - where they stay than more than a year! 

Haiti home

Bangor home

Canada home 

6.  What's next for you?

Honestly we don't know.  We are exploring options and praying through what God has next for us.  I hope to continue to be involved with Bethesda working on communications and fundraising and supporting Altidor and Echebert however I can for the immediate future. 

Bill is exploring some options but just doesn't know yet.  He more than likely will not stay in theological education so whatever comes next will be a totally new path.  We would appreciate your prayers for guidance. 

7. How are things in Haiti?

As far as we know the security situation is not any better.  The 7th February would have been the day when a new president would have been inaugurated.  Many people were expecting a lot of trouble as the current prime minister has not stepped down nor has his set a date for elections.  Many people stayed home, schools and businesses closed but Cap Haitian was quiet.  I don't know for Port au Prince. 

The fuel situation is a little better - to be honest it could not have gotten any worse.  When we left the only place to buy fuel was on the black market at a ridiculous price.  Now it seems to be available at the pumps but its not consistent and many people are waiting hours to get some.  

I hope and pray in our lifetime we will see Haiti change spiritually, economically, physically and politically.  There is so much suffering which happens on a daily basis and life is so so hard for so so many. 

8. How are you all coping with the cold?

Ha...Bill says my primary motivation for doing anything is whether I am going to be cold or not! The first few weeks were bitterly cold and averaged out at 30 below zero (celcius).  Thankfully it has not been so cold and the last couple of weeks or so has been averaging around zero and it much more enjoyable.  I am afraid staying inside with 3 energetic boys is just not an option, so we wrap up and get out and we are trying to make the most of it.

We are happy to answer any other questions you may have just email me (julieedler@hotmail.co.uk) or comment on the post. 

On more thing - if you are able please pray for my dad who just had a quadruple bypass on Wednesday.  He seems to be doing pretty well and will hopefully be home from hospital early next week.  Jacob and I are travelling home to Northern Ireland on Tuesday (we arrive Wednesday) to go and see him and help my mum out at home.  We will return to Canada on 25th February.  Please pray for travels for Jacob and I, its a long journey and pray for Bill holding down the fort here in Canada. 

Four things I've learned

 Hello.  It's been a while.  

We made is to Canada on 22nd December and had a lovely Christmas with Bill's family.  They have a house for us to stay in here on the farm and apart from the getting ready to go outside the boys have been mostly enjoying playing in the snow.  It has been pretty much minus 30 celcius which meant outside for 30 minutes at a time but last week it has 'warmed up' quite a bit and is around zero to minus 5 which is much much more enjoyable and tolerable. 

 

Bill has been teaching his final course at Emmaus at the weekends which will last for four weekends.  I have been continuing working on communications for Bethesda and trying to figure out homeschooling which I'll be honest I haven't really done much.  Afterall play is learning isn't it 😀

So I wrote half a post after our two weeks in the states but never got round to finishing it or posting it.  So we are re winding a bit to just before Christmas...

I am having a hard time putting into words what a gift and unexpected blessing the last two weeks have been. We knew it was going to be good to see our friends again but we didn’t realise how much we needed it and how much it came at exactly the right time. We spent the first week with the Ayars in Mississippi and the second week with the Grosses in Indiana where Janeen also came to stay. 

It has shown me many things...

Firstly, God is provident.  

Our primary reason for staying in the US was because of covid tests but it was absolutely the right length of time.  After 3 days at the Ayars we quickly realised that our initial plan of 3 - 4 days was never going to be long enough. So even with the frustration of more covid tests and staying longer than we had planned it was definitely the right thing.  Also if we had of stayed in Haiti and left next summer like we were planning we would have never got the opportunity to visit the Ayars and the Grosses and Janeen believe me it was much needed.

Secondly goodbyes are really important. 

 

The last time we said goodbye to the majority of our OMS team was on our last evacuation in March 2020.  With 12 hours notice we didn’t have a lot of time to prepare to leave and at the time I kept saying to Bill at least we are all leaving together.  Which, well that did not happen. Our whole team left and we were unable to go with them.  We said goodbye after hours of waiting, phonecalls to embassies and tears all thinking we would come back in the summer as normal like we do every year except that didn’t happen.

March 2020 evacuation

Now to be able to have spent time together and say goodbye well and properly has really helped to redeem that awful day at the airport in March 2020 which is something I never even thought would happen on this trip.

Thirdly its all about relationships.

When you have lived alongside people and had certain experiences with people you have a very close, deep relationship which no one else can really understand except those people you lived with.  Stacey hit the nail on the head when she said those were the good days and we didn’t even know it. The days when we were able to meet together, to eat together, to go places without the security or fuel concerns.  Back then we had no idea how bad things would get or that Bill and I would be the only OMS missionaries left in Haiti and the last ones to leave.   The last two weeks have given us time to talk, to laugh and share so many experiences in Haiti that only we can really understand with each other.  We have been able to talk about our struggles living in Haiti, what the best bits were and what the hardest thing about leaving is.  It was just so so good to be able to have time together. Melissa asked me what did I like most about the mission field and I talked about being part of something with purpose and knowing that what I am doing is changing peoples lives.  But there is one more thing, it’s the relationships.  It’s the people you get to meet and spend time with and get to know and share these experiences with.  Its one of the reasons why its so hard to leave. Any why its hard to go in the first place.

Turns out I don't have any photos of any of the adults! 

Fourthly, being obedient to God’s will is absolutely worth it.  

These past 6 years have been difficult there is no doubt about that.  In fact when I look at all my experiences in Haiti they have all been hard.  Treating earthquake victims, working in a cholera clinic, political unrest, land issues at Bethesda, road blocks, insecurities and evacuations.  It has all been hard but completely worth it.  When I look back and see the experiences we have had, how we have seen God work, been part of God working, the places we have been and the people we have met, its all been worth it.  Although we have no idea when we will see the Ayars, the Grosses, Janeen again or anyone else we met in Haiti again, we know that we will always have a special relationship with them because of what we have experienced together.  As we all reflected on our time in Haiti together it really struck me how difficult it was yet how worth it it all was.

Our boys had a wonderful time, first with the Ayars kids.  They all just picked up where they left of  almost two years ago and enjoyed each others company so much.  Even Jacob and Ben, who wouldn’t have remembered each other at all were having a great time – just following their siblings leads.  They really do act like brothers and sisters. 

Then with the Gross kids or the teenagers as the boys call them.  They loved running around the park, making gingerbread houses and being taught how to play chess by the big kids.

 So even though leaving Haiti was extremely difficult we are so thankful for the opportunity to spend time with our friends in the states.  Here are a few photos from our time.  It looks like I only take photos of the kids!